I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
