Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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