I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
