The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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