I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
