Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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