My hand turned me down
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
its liver damage thursday
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize