I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
