I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
