this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize