and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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