Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
