I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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