Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So vagazzling was a success
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize