These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize