I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
