Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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