If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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