a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I skipped work to stalk him.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize