im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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