I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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