The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
