he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
