Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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