Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
