He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
