Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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