what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
