Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
