Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize