a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
