Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
