Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
they need to just BURY HIM!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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