Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
