I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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