My sheets look like a crime scene.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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