i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
