Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
