Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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