I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
