Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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