is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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