i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
