she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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