if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
