Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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