i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
