Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize