Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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