well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sobbing to NWA
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I would ride that face into the sunset
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