Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.

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(718): View more from New York

all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over

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(806): View more from Texas

You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.

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(903): View more from Texas

He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.

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(206): View more from Washington

before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch

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(317): View more from Indiana

HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.

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(510): View more from California

in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.

(925): View more from California

he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"

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(307): View more from Wyoming

WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???

(1-307): View more from Wyoming

COSTCO IS MAGICAL

(603): View more from New Hampshire

I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.

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