at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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