You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
