Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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