I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
