I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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