im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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