Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
