I didn't shave. On purpose
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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