u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
