Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
as a side note pls kill me
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